


Thinner

by Wrockstargirl



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Anorexia, Body Dismorphia, Harry Potter References, Infertility, Low Self Esteem, Purging, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Esteem Issues, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-12 08:57:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4473191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wrockstargirl/pseuds/Wrockstargirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How did Petunia Dursley become so bony and thin? Why does she hate her sister, Lily, and her son so much? And why does she pamper Dudley so much? It all stems from one thing- a little girl who's willing to do anything to be as special as her sister.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thinner

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING- There is mention of verbal abuse, infertility and self abuse in the form of purging in this work. Additionally, there is a general theme of low self esteem and body dismorphia. I know that these are sensitive topics for some so if you think that you'll be made upset or triggered by any of these, please use discretion as to whether or not you should read this.  
> I always found Petunia's envy of Lily very intriguing, which is were this fanfic stems from. I mean no disrespect to anyone who has experienced any of the following events or anything similar and if you have, I hope your life becomes a brighter and more loving place. And, as always, I do not own any of the characters I've written about in this fanfic.  
> I would really appreciate constructive criticism left in the comments! Thank you and I hope you enjoy!

Petunia knelt before the toilet, breathing heavily from her failed attempt at throwing up her dinner. It was the first of September and Petunia had, however reluctantly, gone along to drop her sister Lilly off at King's Cross so that she could go to her special school. Special Lily, Petunia thought with pure hatred. Special Lily with her special talents and her special school. Why can't mummy and daddy see all the special things I do? I got on the honor roll last year. Did they care? No, of course not! But Lily getting into a school for freaks, by doing absolutely nothing? That was amazing! That was to be celebrated! They all went out to dinner the day Lily got her letter. To Petunia, the food had tasted like sawdust, and the bile had built up in her throat the longer she'd sat there. She went into the restaurant bathroom and forced herself to throw up her food before they left. That was the first time she had ever purged before. Petunia had felt slightly disgusted with herself, but also oddly satisfied; they couldn't force her to celebrate Lily and her freak show. She had been continuing her rebellious acts of purging for over a year now.

Stupid Lily, Petunia thought. Stupid, perfect Lily. Even before she had discovered her powers, Lily had always been the favorite. Petunia had heard it we whole life- oh Lily, what a lovely finger painting, you're such an artist!; Lily, you got an A on your homework! You're so smart!; Lily, you have such beautiful green eyes! Petunia gazed down into the toilet water at her reflection. Limp, boring black hair; too pale skin; dull brown eyes; jutting cheek bones; thin lips. It all stared back at her. I'm the exact opposite of Lily: she is light; I am dark. She is beautiful; I am ugly. She is special; I am nothing.

Tears came to Petunia's muddy brown eyes and she fought to keep them back. Why can't I be special like Lily? She thought. Why can't I be smart and talented and beautiful like her? You can be, a voice in her said. You just have to be thinner. Once that happens, everyone will see that you're beautiful. You'll be special.

Nodding her head with resolve, Petunia steeled herself an gripped the toilet bowl with one hand before reaching her hand into her mouth and forcing herself to throw up. 

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As time went on, Petunia continued on her quest to be special and beautiful. She started eating less and less, and she threw up almost all of what she did eat. Her parents never noticed because they were too infatuated with her sister; Lily never noticed because she was never at home. When Petunia's hair slowed its growth and started to fall out, she got her hair cut short. When her already slender figure became skeletal, she bought new clothes.

Her efforts got her a husband at the tender age of nineteen, Vernon Dursley, who wanted his wife to be as small as he was large. Being a sort of traditionalist, he immediately wanted to have children, but no matter how much they tried, it seemed they could not. As it turned out, it was because Petunia's body could no longer conceive; her years of purging had backfired on her. Vernon was furious, and took his anger out on her. How could you do this to me! He would yell at her loudly. How could you trick me into thinking this was a valid marriage! How am I supposed to have a son now! He would never beat her physically, but his words hit her harder than any blow and when they would try once more to have a child, it was less than consensual.

Eventually, Petunia had to resort to doing the one thing she dreaded more than anything; eating. Every time she took a bite, she felt like some small part of her was dying, submitting herself back to her old, dull life. Her work paid off and they finally conceived a child, and all during the pregnancy Petunia would only eat so that the baby would live. But it wasn't enough; when it was born, the baby was small and underweight, nearly dying even after care in the pediatric ward. She thought h was dead, for a time, and when he opened his eyes, brown, like his mother's, she'd wept for joy. Terrified by the near death of her child, Petunia resolved to never have her son, Dudley, be too small again. And so the feeding began.

Petunia fed and fed and fed the boy, giving him bottled milk (Petunia couldn't produce enough on her own) at least every two hours or so, even at night. And when Dudley began to eat solid foods, she fed him at least five to six meals a day. Then, Petunia's worse than worst nightmare appeared; her wretched sister's son, a little brat names Harry Potter, was dropped off at her doorstep.

Even though she knew it wasn't fair, and she knew it wasn't it right, she wanted to make Harry pay for what he was: a freak; an abnormal child, and most of all, the child of Lily. Of course Lily had a child after Petunia had to toil so hard and for so long for one. Of course baby Harry was healthy and loved by all the house guests that came by. Of course; who would expect anything less than a perfect child from her perfect sister Lily.

And Petunia made him pay, alright. He made sure that he knew how awful he was, how despicable, how unwanted. She forced him to feel like a disgrace, the way she always had. She locked him away so no one would see him and his bright green eyes, his mother's eyes, least of all Petunia herself. And she always gave him less to eat then Dudley, because, she reasoned, he should work just as hard to look handsome as she had to when she was young, and still had to now. After all, despicable people have to work harder to be beautiful, to be liked. Petunia would know.


End file.
